Why I Think Hilary Was Right...

It really does take a village to raise a child. No matter how dedicated we parents may be, we need support, we need relief, we need the intimacy that comes from sharing within a family. While having a respite and allowing a spouse, friend, parent or grandparent to watch a child for a time is important, what I'm talking about is the deeper contribution to the creation of this child's upbringing, just by being an integral part of his life. I was told the other day that much of how a kid turns out comes from the community he is raised in, not just the interaction he receives from his parents, (not to minimize the huge role that is in a child's life).

If a child is raised in a family that is happy, accepting, affectionate and dedicated to the child's well-being, what a difference that can make to his self-esteem and confidence. This love, acceptance and bonding can begin at birth, and it can begin with the public acknowledgment of that child's birth at a Baby Blessing/Naming Ceremony. Having a ceremony to honor a new baby is an ancient tradition with specific rituals being practiced in every culture. The premise is basically the same: honoring the parents who have taken on a new role in life as parents (even if they are 2nd,3rd, etc-time parents, it's still a new role), honoring of the grandparents in their new role, introduction of the new babe to it's 'Community' and asking that the community vow to do their part in raising this child, forming this child, mentoring this child to be the best he can be.

Such a ceremony cements the family, gives the parents confidence knowing they have the backing of their greater family, trusting they will hold their child's needs in mind. In our more modern times where "tribes" do not necessarily live in the same town or even state any longer, how precious to have such a ceremony to bring the members together, if only symbolically and say - We are Family; This is My Tribe".

I love keeping this ancient tradition alive, setting aside the time to gather round, share wisdom, honor the name given to the child and the significance thereof, and to confirm to the little one that he indeed has roots and soil in which to grow.

On the daily task of being Mindful

People talk a lot about being mindful; it's hard not to hear the message to "slow down, be present, be mindful". I have read the Buddhist foundations of mindfulness and have touted them in my blogs and my newsletter, but what about really practicing what that means, trying it out in a, well, a very mindful manner?

I notice when I'm in a place of conflict or indecision that it is easy to talk, talk, talk to everyone I know about what is going on. That helps me to process through my feelings and to get more present to them. However, at some point well-meaning listeners will not just echo what they hear from me, but their own ideas and feelings will start to flavor the conversation and I can end up feeling like "this is what other people think, but I'm still confused about what to do".

I was recently feeling a desire to re-visit what practicing mindfulness really means and see what happened when I did so. I decided to be conscious regularly of what I was feeling -- in my thoughts, in my body, in my emotions.

I am a very Feeling person. Friends kid me about starting every sentence with "I feel...". I have prided myself on being in touch with my feelings, aware of them, and being emotional. But I think the piece that is added when I am mindful, is true awareness, clarity and acknowledgement of the feelings, without stuffing, 'making nice', or thinking about it later. My plan was launched, to begin to take note of what I was feeling in each present moment and to describe to myself without judgement what I was experiencing.

For example, I woke up this morning with an expectation of how my morning would go with my mate. He was already up and downstairs. I thought maybe we'd take a bike ride together, but as I started to head downstairs I heard his truck start. I asked myself what I was feeling. I felt angry, sad, abandoned, un-cared for, lonely. Didn't he care about me? Where was he going without me? I decided to go ahead and take a walk on my own, so I dressed to do so. As I was ready to head out, he returned. I had forgotten he had planned an early morning run to Home Depot for supplies to finish the fence he'd been working on. He thought he would dash over while I was still sleeping. I told him about my feelings, which felt painful. I got a little teary. He acknowledged my feelings. None of our conversation was about me telling him he was a dog for leaving without consulting me, but just about how I felt.

While out on my walk moments later I asked myself what I was feeling. Uh oh my thoughts were back at that incident. I asked myself what I was feeling in that present moment as I was walking, in my body and mind. I recognized I was feeling joy at seeing and hearing birds everywhere. I felt the warmth of the sun without the heat that will be there later today. I felt my body feel strong as I ran up a hill. I felt emotionally good to be out walking on an early summer morning. As I breathed in I could even connect with a smell of childhood summer mornings which made me smile. Be here now was calling to me. Look at these great feelings and sensations, the whole point of why you are walking!!

My plan is to continue this experiment of sorts and to really be present to my feelings in each moment which I recognize now can intensify my feelings, but also spur me to action, which I'm craving. As I walked in the kitchen after my walk I noticed a little grease on the stove and noticed I was noticing it. I grabbed a cloth and cleaner and quickly wiped the stove down, something I might have put off until later if not being mindful, perhaps thinking not so mindfully that it needed to be done and I'd get around to it "later".

More later. Right now my mind, body and emotions are saying it's time for what's next, which is most likely breakfast.

What's a Celebrant??

What is a Celebrant? Sounds fun doesn't it? In a nutshell, we celebrant life and the many turns our path takes along the way.

I believe I have always been a Celebrant. Even at a young age I loved ceremony and ritual, marking holidays and special occasions with an Event-like fervor. I didn't realize it at the time, but it grounded me, made me feel part of my family, my community, my 'tribe'.

As I grew into adulthood, these rituals and ceremonies, the little things that must be done - my kids each riding their bikes through a toilet paper barrier my husband and I held for them when they learned to ride a bike; getting to choose what you wanted to do and what you wanted for dinner when it was your birthday; lighting the Advent candles at Christmas; making specific foods for the holidays -- all were comforting, affirming, made us all feel part of the family and the passage of each life experience.

Even though I securely had these rituals in place, I realized the importance of marking the larger life passages with meaningful ceremony. When I was 13 my father passed away. Even though he was dying of cancer and in the hospital, to me it felt sudden and everything that occurred following that felt like a whirlwind of activity without any real opportunity for expression of feelings, or true acknowledgement of the man and daddy that he was. As an adult I began to realize how important ceremony is to the grieving process, and especially making the ceremony meaningful to the participants. In facilitating a ceremony for the passing of my unborn grandson a few years ago, I recognized the remarkable value of allowing space to acknowledge feelings, to feel the support and speak our truth in order to begin to move forward. Again, I felt the powerfulness of family, community, tribe.

I realized that life passages of all kinds deserve recognition. As a life coach, I already had worked extensively with clients in acknowledgement of even the smallest progress. This helps us to move forward with joy and purpose.

You just bought a house? That is cause for celebration, acknowledgement of the work it took to get there and to really feel what it means to have not just a house but a home. A house blessing ceremony gathers your team around you to celebrate this new place that is yours.

You just had a baby? More than a shower, a baby blessing ceremony honors the ancestors of this child and gives all present the power to be that child's team, supporters, helpers in life. It offers the parents witnesses to the experience of being parents and the virtual arms wrapped around all in a familial embrace.

A Celebration of Life service rather than a traditional funeral, can allow the grievers space to grieve along with an acknowledgement of the departed as a real human being in a way that is meaningful to those left behind.

So go ahead and feel free to celebrate life and all it's glorious moments. Have a Celebration and make it uniquely yours.

Cindie's Passage of Becoming a Celebrant

Ceremony. Ritual. Life passages. Story. These are all things I love. If I look carefully, I find these everywhere, in everything and everyone and noting them brings me closer to my environment and the people within it.

I spent the past 5 days on the opposite coast from where I live, seeped in story, my own life passage, ceremony and ritual. This was my journey to becoming a Certified LifeCycle Celebrant! After many long months of study, I made the long, sometimes anxious trip (picture me running to just barely catch my connecting flight both directions of this journey) to the shores of the Hudson River to attend the Wisdom Conference and my graduation. Along the way I met a large room full of fellow celebrants, men and women, from around our globe, all with their own personal story of work and accomplishment to get there. Each of them so unique, yet we all shared enough commonality that I felt I had known them all for a very long time.

I hung out for 5 days at the Hyatt on the Hudson, with an amazing view of the New York City skyline. I was mesmerized by the view, mostly because I could not help thinking of the accumulation of stories that existed within that skyline and those buildings, those people. I spent as much time as I could soaking up the stories, walking the streets and shoreways of New Jersey and New York. I think I toured the entirety of Battery Park on foot, took the underwater subway called PATH, traveled across the Hudson on the ferry 5 or 6 times and was a curious observer of my country's past and present.

It was an interesting perspective, really the eagle vs mouse vision. Instead of viewing the city just from the beautiful vantage point of across the Hudson, I got into the mouse view, seeing the story through the faces and ancient buildings of history. You've heard how people say you are rarely a tourist in your own town? Well I was a tourist in my own country, sometimes very aware of the many people who had not had the chance to be tourists in their own town. I had a mission one morning to walk to the Brooklyn bridge then over it. I was told I only needed to walk down this bike path and "it's right there". It was not that intuitive and I found myself consulting my map and many Brooklyn-accented policemen trying to find out where to get onto the bridge by foot. Many had no idea, they had never had this perspective of the bridge, only traveling it by car and some seemed confused by my desire/need to travel it by foot. But it was my mission and I was not going to rest until I found it and walked it which I did.

I like this perspective. Walking the old bridge, being on Liberty Island and Ellis Island, walking shoulder to shoulder with fellow humans, I could feel the presence of our ancestors who probably similarly had to ask for directions, who came with their own stories of work and accomplishment and life passage bringing their own rituals and ceremonies with them. But it is not only the east coast of our country that is rich with history. We all have a story, a history that cements us and connects us. This is what I vow to keep alive - my story, your story, our story.